(It's Lonely) Being In The Closet
by suzukipot
Summary: Chronicles Tony as he comes out of the closet. Set after the initial EB story.
1. Chapter 1

To tell or not to tell. This was the daily struggle that Tony faced every day. His fingers drummed on his stomach as he stared up at the dark dorm ceiling.

If I tell him, he'll reject me and never want to be my friend again. He'll be grossed out, just like every other boy I've tried to ask out.

Tony turned to his side, staring at his blonde roommate only a few feet from him. His chest rose and fell in small increments and he snored ever so slightly, indicating sleep.

He's so handsome.

Tony gnawed on his bottom lip.

He's so smart. And brave. Maybe...Maybe he likes me too.

This was a fleeting hope, a desperate desire. He hoped that his best friend in the whole world liked him, but he was sure he didn't. He heard that Jeff had been with a girl on his adventure. Paula, that was her name.

He heard that there were a lot of pretty girls in Dalaam. He wondered if they had tried to flirt with him. His heart burned with jealousy at the thought. He didn't want anyone to be with Jeff, his Jeff.

It was selfish of him and it made him feel guilty but it was true. Even if his friend didn't reciprocate, he desperately wanted him to. No one knew that Tony was gay. Not his friends, not his parents, no one.

There were some rumors, of course, but no one took it seriously enough. They were brought on by Tony's recent over enthusiasm in Jeff, wanting to help him, be by him, do everything and anything for him. Jeff muttered something in his sleep that made Tony freeze up. His eyes widened as he repeated it in his head.

Through the woods...Let's go through the woods...

Tony had had a dream once where he and Jeff were walking through the woods. He would never forget it. It was cold, the wind was bitter. They were bundled up.

Jeff's cheeks were rosy red and little puffs of breath escaped his lips with every breath. The snow crunched beneath their feet as they made their way to the lake. There was no one else there, no Tessie watchers, no tents, nothing. Just the beautiful frozen lake that stretched for miles and two friends looking over its beauty.

"This is so nice Jeff."

The scientist nodded. "Indeed. It seems that like the best moments in my life are with you Tony."

Tony's cheeks tinged red, but it wasn't from the cold. They kept watching as the snow flurried.

"You know Jeff...I...I really like you."

"I like you too Tony. You're my best friend."

"No...I mean...I like you. I like like you."

Jeff's expression was blank until he broke out into a grin and grabbed Tony's hand. "I like like you too."

That was when they kissed. Tony was pulled out of his thoughts. He wondered if Jeff's lips were as pillowy and light and soft as in his dreams. Jeff muttered again.

"Don't...know...Tone...think about...it..."

His curiosity piqued to its fullest Tony sat up and stood. The hardwood floor creaking made him wince, fearing he would wake the sleeping bespectacled boy. Carefully he tiptoed to Jeff and looked down at his sleeping form. More mutters.

"Here? N...ow?"

What's he thinking about? It sounds like something about me but...

Tony shook his head. No. Jeff wasn't...Jeff was straight. But what if...

Tony sighed. This was too much to think about at dead midnight. Shuffling back to his bed he lay down and pulled the covers over himself and drifted into slumber. He woke at early dawn, he always did.

Jeff stayed up late and slept until noon, or rather, he would but Tony always woke him up so that they could go to class together. Today though, he didn't. He didn't wake Jeff up because he had research to do. Changing out of his pajamas and into his uniform he topped it off with his trademark hat.

His first stop was the library. He had a small, small hope that there would be something there about what he was going through, something to help him. He doubted it but it was still good to check. He walked in and made way to the section.

It was denied his access by a red velvet rope and a big 'RESTRICTED' sign but he would know if he needed something by just browsing the covers. There were a lot of books and none of them were what they were looking for. He was looking for sexuality books, not awkward puberty books. He pouted and put his hands on his hips.

He had to resort to his backup. He had to talk to Maxwell. Maxwell was older, surely he would know about this sort of thing, right? He could trust Maxwell, he had helped Jeff escape the school.

He even covered for him. Tony walked to the classroom that contained the older boy, opened the door and walked in. Maxwell looked up from his desk.

"Hm? Oh, Tony! Come in, come in! What brings you by?"

"I need some advice."

"About what?"

Tony was not a shy one. And after reassuring himself he spoke in a hasty rush. "What do you do when you like a guy and you don't know if he likes you back?"

The corner of Maxwell's mouth twitched up into a smirk. "Oh Tony... Tony... Tony...so the rumors are true? You're gay?"

A breath. Trust him Tony. He's your friend..."Yes. Yes I am."

Maxwell leaned back in his chair and folded his hands. "Let me guess...You like Jeff, don't you?"

Tony nodded.

"Hmm..." Maxwell looked down with a face of concentration. "To be honest with you Tony, I don't know if Jeff like blokes. Hell, I don't even know if he fancies girls. I've never heard him talk about things like that."

Tony frowned. "Well I've got to know!"

"Then ask him."

"What?"

"Ask him. Don't beat around the bush just walk up to him and ask."

That was the stupidest advice ever. Why had he decided to come to Maxwell again? "A-Ask him?"

Maxwell nodded. "It's the only way you'll know for sure."

"But...But...this is Jeff we're talking about here...I can't just ask-"

"Tony how long have you known Jeff?"

The question threw Tony off guard. "Well...since we were about preschool ages. Why?"

But Maxwell didn't answer him. "You two used to share a bed together, right?"

Tony's cheeks reddened and the hazy, eight year old memories flooded back to him. "Y-Yes...when we were five...but the matrons told us not to..."

"And you two do everything together, am I correct?"

A mutter and a shrug. "Pretty much."

"Tony you've told Jeff everything. You've been open with him until now. He's your best friend. You can tell him anything."

Maxwell's reassuring smile didn't do much for Tony.

"And...hey. Even if he says he doesn't like you...what's the worst that could happen?"

"He could cut off all contact from me, move out, live with that Paula girl he met and never want anything to do with me again," Tony squeaked.

Maxwell's eyes widened at the prepared answer. "Wow...you've really thought this out, haven't you?"

Tony nodded. Maxwell gave a deep sigh.

"Tony...you know Jeff better than anyone. Now, put your feelings aside and think logically. Do you really think Jeff would do that to you?"

Tony thought. Jeff was unemotional and rude and somewhat of a user but he wouldn't do that to Tony...

"Well...I suppose he wouldn't..."

Maxwell smiled. "That's what I thought. Now go tell him!"

Tony broke out into an ear to ear grin before leaning down and hugging the older boy.

"Thank you Maxwell! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Maxwell patted his back a few times before Tony let go. It was so nice to see him in his familiar happy state. He skipped out of the room, jubilant. With a confident step to his walk he went back to his dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony's thoughts were racing. His heart pounded in his ears. This was it. This was finally it.

He was going to spill his gut wrenching emotions, his feelings, to his best friend in the whole world. Hand trembling, he gripped the doorknob to his shared dorm and flung it open. He opened the door and was not surprised to see the blonde huddled around his toolbox, working on an invention. Tony couldn't see Jeff's eyes from behind his glasses but he was pretty sure he'd glanced up.

"Tony. Where were you? You didn't wake me up this morning. I was beginning to worry something was wrong."

"I was talking to Maxwell. He...He was giving me some advice."

"Advice? Advice about what?"

Be honest with him. Tony took a deep breath.

"I'm in love with someone and...and I needed advice about...about what to do and say...because I think I want to tell them how I feel..."

He took a few steps towards Jeff, who didn't seem to notice.

"You like someone?" A pause. "Well that's good for you Tony! Who's the lucky lady?"

Jeff looked up and offered Tony a small, friendly smile. Tony could feel a lump form in his throat. His voice started to shake.

"A-Actually Jeff...it's not a lady I like...It's...it's you!"

The words escaped his mouth in a frantic, stumbling hurry and almost immediately he felt his ears and cheeks redden. Jeff's eyebrows raised over his glasses.

"W-What? You...like...me? Romantically?"

Tony nodded. Jeff clasped his hands together, his black shoes nervously digging into the carpet, a long, awkward silence piercing through the dorm. Tony's face was on fire and Jeff's visage was slowly but surely turning red. Then, Jeff muttered something, something Tony couldn't hear.

"Wha-What?"

"I said...that I like you too..."

Tony's eyes widened almost comically. "R-Really? You...you like me too?"

Jeff looked at him. "Yes...and I feel like an imbecile for not realizing sooner that you like me. The offers, the dreams, the letters...they all flew over my genius head until Ness pointed it out."

"Oh...well..I mean...I wasn't exactly trying to be subtle..." A nervous chuckle.

Jeff smiled and chuckled a bit, and the two both ended up laughing, reveling in their shared emotions. Eventually the laughter died down and Tony bit his lip.

"So...uh..."

"Tony-"

"Would you like to...I mean, do you want to..."

"Would you like to court me?"

Tony looked at Jeff and his heart skipped a beat.

"I mean," he shook his head, "Do you want to date me? Or...Or go out on a date...or...uh..."

Tony grabbed Jeff's hand to silence him. "Yes. I'd love to."

The two made their way out of their dorm, into the hallway, sharp eyes catching the questioning looks from fellow peers. As they made their ways to the double doors leading outside Maxwell stopped them. He smirked and looked down at Tony.

"Sooo...you took my advice, huh?"

He pointed down at Tony and Jeff''s clasped hands.

Tony nodded. "Yep, I did! Your advice went superbly!" Tony was back to his usual exuberant self.

"That's good. Well...I'll leave you lovebirds to yourselves."

He gave a suggestive wink that made Jeff's ears tinge red before laughing and walking away.

Jeff turned to Tony. "W-We're not going to-"

"No," Tony squeaked. "I just...I just want to walk to the lake with you. It's unfrozen so maybe we can see Tessie. I've always wanted to see Tessie..."

Jeff smiled and nodded, his mortified blush disappearing. "Well...what are we waiting for then? Let's go."

Jeff led the way outside. It was summer, the sun was shining brightly, melting away some of the snow. Wild, yet also harmless animals roamed around outside. Jeff pushed open the large gate he had once had to climb over.

They trekked on, both slightly cold from the weather, small goosebumps running up their arms. Their hands were equally cold and clammy but neither of them minded. They admired the scenery, or, rather, Tony was admiring the scenery and Jeff was looking ahead, trying to pick out the best routes for them to take. Tony looked at everything from the beautiful pine trees, the pure as white snow, the animals, the people, it was perfect.

Tony smiled and gripped Jeff's hand tighter, still unbelieving that he had gotten his way, that he was on an outing with his best friend turned boyfriend. Boyfriend. Tony ran the word through his head a few times. He liked that word, he liked that word a lot.

Then they were there. They were at Lake Tess. Tony hadn't been there in years, when he was quite young and his memories were somewhat fuzzy. Now however, he was sure he would remember this moment for the rest of his life.

The shore was devoid of tens, of Tessie Watchers, of anyone else that would interrupt Jeff

and Tony's precious moment. The lake shone, crystal clear, shimmering. Tony watched the little ripples flow through it. When he looked out towards the end he saw an indent in the ground.

Jeff suddenly let go of Tony's hand and walked towards the spot. "Tony, come stand next to me."

Tony obeyed, curious as to what Jeff was doing. Jeff positioned himself to stand on the indent and then looked out to the lake. Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling noise that shook the ground. Tony leaned against Jeff, almost falling in the process.

"J-Jeff?! Wha-What's going on?!" He clutched to Jeff's jacket desperately

Jeff didn't answer. A large, purple head emerged from the lake's depths. Tony's eyes widened and his mouth opened wide as he instantly recognized the creature from the books. It was Tessie. Tessie looked down at the two with a smile and blinked.

"Jeff...," Tony breathed, stepping towards Tessie, "It's Tessie."

Jeff nodded. "Indeed it is. Would you like to ride her to the other side of the lake?"

"Are you kidding me," Tony asked, his voice raising and echoing.

Jeff smiled and helped Tony climb on Tessie before he got on. Sitting behind his boyfriend snugly Jeff wrapped his arms around Tony's waist as Tony planted his hands firmly on Tessie. Tessie turned and started slowly swimming across the lake. Tony feet were close to the water and part of Jeff's foot was submerged in the lake.

Tony took everything in, his heart pounding as Jeff rested his head on Tony's shoulder. It was euphoric. Jeff smiled and breathed a warm breath on Tony's neck, which instantly made him warm. Tony was lost for words, a rare occurrence for him. He looked out at the shimmering sea before looking down at Jeff.

"Jeff..."

Jeff lifted his head up and looked Tony in the eyes. "Yes Tony?"

Tony gently grabbed Jeff by the back of the head, tilts his own and plants a sloppy, inexperienced kiss on the blond boy's lips. After a few moments Tony pulled away and pulled Jeff into a tight embrace.

"Thank you..."


End file.
